These Phrases shared by My Dad Which Rescued Us as a New Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up between men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."